Remembering

Moving to a new school means doing a new IEP, new programs, new everything. Connor's new school psychologist asked me to do a new GARS (Gilliam Autism Rating Scale) for him. For some reason, things like that get put aside and put off. I don't like looking at his skills and deficits on paper and numbered. It is a mental thing.

So I picked up the GARS and knew I needed to get it done for his upcoming IEP meeting. When I starting circling 0-3 for ratings of his behavior, I struggled. I didn't struggle because I don't know him well. I know Connor as well as he will let me. I know his behaviors better than anyone. I struggled because while circling 0 for so many things, I couldn't help but think how not long ago I would have circled 3. He use to make no eye contact. He use to only eat specific foods and refuse to eat what most people will usually eat. He use to rapidly flick hands at the side of his eyes for periods of time. It was hard to read those things and not be able to write next to each one, "use to do". I want the world to know how much better he is. I don't want them to forget how much they hurt him.

When Connor first regressed into autism, my husband and I use to say he wasn't that bad. We didn't know what "normal" was. We didn't know how far he needed to go. We held on to the fact that he still allowed us to hug him. Connor was non verbal. Connor was severly autistic. It is only looking back now that I can see that.

Connor is doing well now. He is high functioning. He still has obsessive compulsive, but he can function in the world. He still doesn't like singing, but he won't scream for hours if I sing.

I have to go fill out the GARS now, and hug Connor.